Marriage Counseling in Orange County, CA
I am a Marriage Friendly Therapist!
I support a values statement that holds marriage as an important personal, professional, and social value. I believe in helping couples restore their marriages to health if that is possible.
Most couples assume this is what all therapists believe. But it's not so. Because of their professional training, many therapists hold a "neutral" value orientation towards whether a marriage survives or whether the couple divorces. In fact, this is the most common stance even among therapists who identify themselves as marriage and family therapists.
In a national survey of over 1,000 marriage and family therapists, over 60 percent indicated that they are "neutral" on marriage versus divorce for their clients. Only one-third said they "I am committed to preserving marriage and avoiding divorce whenever possible." Disturbingly, 2.4% said they frequently recommend divorce. (You can contact me for the citation for this peer reviewed journal article.)
The bottom line: most therapists are neutral when marriages are in trouble, whereas I aim to directly support the viability of troubled marriages. This is a big difference, and it’s why I use the term " marriage friendly ."
Sometimes Divorce is Necessary
Life is filled with tragedy. Not all marriages can survive, and some marriages are so destructive to health and human dignity that they should be dissolved. Sometimes couples come to therapy when one spouse has made an irrevocable decision to divorce. In other words, there are times when every experienced marriage therapist knows that the cause has been lost and that the best approach is to help minimize the damage of an inevitable divorce.
There are responsible divorces, and therapists can assist in that process. But that does not mean that we hold the view of one prominent therapist who says, "The good marriage, the good divorce—it matters not." Like a surgeon facing a wounded limb, I first want to find a way to save a marriage, even if at first a spouse is demoralized and feels like giving up.
A good marriage therapist, in our view, offers hope and works hard to help couples succeed in their marriage, and then accepts their ultimate decision on the future of their relationship.
All therapists are Marriage Therapists... But not all are Marriage friendly
Because relationship problems are the main problem people bring to individual therapists, individual therapists are treating marriages whether or not they realize it. Unless the therapist has values that support marriage and is careful not to turn the non-present partner into a villain, individual therapy can undermine a marriage.
Every experienced marriage therapist has heard these stories: a spouse goes into individual therapy, receives support for a one-sided view of the marriage problems, and becomes increasingly pessimistic about the marriage. The therapist then questions why the person stays in an obviously bad marriage. The other spouse is clueless that the marriage is unraveling in therapy, and is not informed until it’s too late.
These therapists do not intend harm, but often their orientation is to the personal happiness of their individual client who is distressed in a marriage, without enough regard for the welfare of the other spouse and the children—and for the lifelong commitment that the client once made to the marriage for "better and worse."
Sadly, it is not uncommon for therapists to recommend divorce after a few individual sessions without a real assessment of the marriage and its possibilities for survival and renewal.
About Kathleen Wenger
Kathleen Wenger,
M.A., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
I have had over 20 years of clinical/counseling experience with couples, individuals and families. A focus and passion of mine has been my work with couples who want to recapture the trust, love, respect and compassion that they once felt. In a world that can divide us, I work with couples to focus on the positive attributes in their relationship and to explore forgiveness for the mistakes that are made along their relational journey. I also enjoy working with mothers and daughters, adoption issues, individuals struggling with depression or anxiety. I welcome you to my practice.
Certifications/Awards/Memberships/Publications
- President The National Honor Society in Psychology (Psi Chi Pepperdine Chapter)
- Straus Institute of Family Mediation Certificate
- Critical Incident Stress Debriefing Certificate
- Orange County Adoption Clinical Training Certificate
- Clinical Supervisor Training-AAMFT
- Clinical Supervisor Training-CAMFT
- Chair/Co-chair MFT Consortium of Orange County
- Founding Member AAMFT Educators Steering Committee
- Founding Member MFT Educators Collaborative
Counseling Experience:
- 20 years at Pepperdine University as Manager M.A. Clinical Training of Marriage and Family Therapists
- Pepperdine University-Adjunct Faculty
- Co-founder of marriagefriendlytherapists.com
- Private Practice - Couples/Marriage Counseling
- Facilitator of Laguna Beach Senior Support Group
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Frequently Ask Questions
Do I really need therapy? I can usually handle my problems.
Everyone goes through challenging situations in life, and while you may have successfully navigated through other difficulties you've faced, there's nothing wrong with seeking out extra support when you need it. In fact, therapy is for people who have enough self-awareness to realize they need a helping hand, and that is something to be admired. You are taking responsibility by accepting where you're at in life and making a commitment to change the situation by seeking therapy. Therapy provides long-lasting benefits and support, giving you the tools you need to avoid triggers, re-direct damaging patterns, and overcome whatever challenges you face.
Why do people go to therapy and how do I know if it is right for me?
People have many different motivations for coming to psychotherapy. Some may be going through a major life transition (unemployment, divorce, new job, etc.), or are not handling stressful circumstances well. Some people need assistance managing a range of other issues such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, addictions, relationship problems, spiritual conflicts and creative blocks. Therapy can help provide some much needed encouragement and help with skills to get them through these periods. Others may be at a point where they are ready to learn more about themselves or want to be more effective with their goals in life. In short, people seeking psychotherapy are ready to meet the challenges in their lives and ready to make changes in their lives.
What is therapy like?
Because each person has different issues and goals for therapy, therapy will be different depending on the individual. In general, you can expect to discuss the current events happening in your life, your personal history relevant to your issue, and report progress (or any new insights gained) from the previous therapy session. Depending on your specific needs, therapy can be short-term, for a specific issue, or longer-term, to deal with more difficult patterns or your desire for more personal development. Either way, it is most common to schedule regular sessions with your therapist (usually weekly).
It is important to understand that you will get more results from therapy if you actively participate in the process. The ultimate purpose of therapy is to help you bring what you learn in session back into your life. Therefore, beyond the work you do in therapy sessions, your therapist may suggest some things you can do outside of therapy to support your process - such as reading a pertinent book, journaling on specific topics, noting particular behaviors or taking action on your goals. People seeking psychotherapy are ready to make positive changes in their lives, are open to new perspectives and take responsibility for their lives.
What about medication vs. psychotherapy?
It is well established that the long-term solution to mental and emotional problems and the pain they cause cannot be solved solely by medication. Instead of just treating the symptom, therapy addresses the cause of our distress and the behavior patterns that curb our progress. You can best achieve sustainable growth and a greater sense of well-being with an integrative approach to wellness. Working with your medical doctor you can determine what's best for you, and in some cases a combination of medication and therapy is the right course of action.
Do you take insurance, and how does that work?
To determine if you have mental health coverage through your insurance carrier, the first thing you should do is call them. Check your coverage carefully and make sure you understand their answers. Some helpful questions you can ask them:
- What are my mental health benefits?
- What is the coverage amount per therapy session?
- How many therapy sessions does my plan cover?
- How much does my insurance pay for an out-of-network provider?
- Is approval required from my primary care physician?
Does what we talk about in therapy remain confidential?
Confidentiality is one of the most important components between a client and psychotherapist. Successful therapy requires a high degree of trust with highly sensitive subject matter that is usually not discussed anywhere but the therapist's office. Every therapist should provide a written copy of their confidential disclosure agreement, and you can expect that what you discuss in session will not be shared with anyone. This is called “Informed Consent”. Sometimes, however, you may want your therapist to share information or give an update to someone on your healthcare team (you’re your Physician, Naturopath, Attorney), but by law your therapist cannot release this information without obtaining your written permission.
However, state law and professional ethics require therapists to maintain confidentiality except for the following situations:
- Suspected past or present abuse or neglect of children, adults, and elders to the authorities, including Child Protection and law enforcement, based on information provided by the client or collateral sources.
- If the therapist has reason to suspect the client is seriously in danger of harming him/herself or has threatened to harm another person.
I am in need of counseling ASAP. How quickly can I be seen?
We understand that sometimes, the need for counseling can feel urgent. At Orange County Couples Counseling, we prioritize your emotional well-being and mental health. We strive to accommodate emergency counseling services as quickly as possible, and you can generally expect to be seen within 24 hours. Our team of highly trained and compassionate counselors is dedicated to providing the care you need in a timely manner. Please note that the actual scheduling may depend on individual counselor availability. Rest assured, we will do our best to provide you the support you need exactly when you need it. If you're facing an immediate crisis, please don't hesitate to reach out to us or use the resources available to you, such as hotlines or local emergency services. Your safety and mental health are our top priority.